I have long believed that the last presidential election would be a crossroad in our country. Would conservatism die? If it did, I think the conservatives killed it.

The conservative banner is morality and responsibility. What killed these were racism and obnoxiousness evidenced in statements about immigration and fear mongering judgmentalism. It is too embarrassing to associate with a convention with people in it who throw nuts at others and yell to them that this is how we feed the animals. If it were two unrepresentative hecklers, that’s one thing, but there’s still too much of that attitude in the Republican party.

But I could never vote for someone who supports abortion either. One kills the soul, the other the body. Scripture says they’re both murder.

The fear mongering judgmentalism is more complicated. On one side you have panicked statements about America going down the tubes, life as we know it ending, and horror at immoral lifestyles. On the other you have a spokesman who makes it all not seem to matter. Not more than a single tear going down the cheek, easily brushed aside.

I think Mr. Romney probably could have worked a deal in congress that would have been logical, responsible, and effective, but the PR deficit still needs attention.

But is Obama’s hypnotic nature lulling us all to sleep so that he can plug us into the Matrix to use our bodies?

I’m not a conspiracy theorist. These schemes lead to people becoming panicky, angry and consumed with disproportionately negative thoughts. I don’t believe Obama is evil incarnate. There are two sides to every story. Only God knows enough of the details to determine what is completely out of control, if anything is. I still believe all things work together for good.

Perhaps my view is shaped by living through it when the worst possible things happen. When you’ve lost what is nearest and dearest to you, like a marriage and a child, how can you get all up in arms about wall street? What if you don’t like concrete? What if you like how Indians lived without concrete, steel, firearms, computers, and printed money? But they’ll put you or your family or your friends in jail for not being good atheists or muslim communists – completely surrounded by concrete. Maybe I idolize the environment too much and that will lead to my salvation. But we’ll see how my tune changes if that happens. Further, I don’t think there is any difference between a gray office cubicle and a prison cell.

I have been more of a conspiracy theorist regarding religion. Maybe the Pope isn’t the Antichrist, but he opened the door for him: John Calvin. Used to be, heresies where viewed as damnable and soul destroying. Why not go on a rampage against things that are damnable and soul destroying? Because I am influenced by demons even though I don’t believe in the Pope or John Calvin. Some Catholics and Calvinists are probably better Christians than I am. I wont say positively because I don’t really know how much their souls are being destroyed by their heretical beliefs nor how securely mine has been placed in the Ark by accepting the true faith despite my failings. And if I do repent from some of my sins because of the fear of God, leading to my acceptance, then it is dangerous for me to say that God will tolerate everything, or even most things. I guess I’m just thinking the battle should be more against what’s inside than what’s outside.