After my husband read the preceding posts about the St. Maximus conference, his response was one of increased understanding, but not one of assurance that this will bring a change of circumstance. I was disappointed. I wrote it with an eye of understanding, but subconsciously I think I was wanting my circumstances to become different. To help others help me to quit experiencing pain by giving me what I’ve been wanting.

Then I read s-p’s thoughts about a false desire for a conversion experience (My year of living reclusively) and could see that wanting change can be a misdirected desire, but isn’t giving up on that a conversion too? 😉

Then I read this psychotherapists’ experience (A Manifesto for grace how a radical embrace changes everything) with grace instead of steps for change in the midst of self-revelation, and now I think I get it better. But isn’t getting it change? I hope it isn’t disrespectful to point out the irony in his ad for his next post, “One Word That Will Transform Your Year”. We recognize brokenness and we want things fixed. But I have noticed that some people with paralysis, for example, seem to spin their wheels wanting it to change. And they can become despondent when they give up. If something can’t be fixed how we want it, then one has to grieve and try to find grace in the midst of it like Joni Erickson did. But that takes work.

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